.. to Blogspot :)

http://ezztherr.blogspot.com

And so.. It has been a while.

*sweeps the cobby webs from the sides of this page*.

Well, hi. Let's start anew. My name's Esther, and I'm currently finishing my final semester of studies here in Australia. Yeah, it's final for good.. unless I decide to take up another course.. which is a story for another time.

Surprise surprise. It's been more than a year since I last wrote. And my last entry gave me shivers down my spine today.

Hello there, if you're still checking this page.

CBM.

I've never felt more desperately in need of help now than ever. The big slap hit yesterday when I realised that it was the 1st of April. And no, it wasn't because it was April Fool's day. But yesterday is exactly 5 months till the visa expires.

As a very priviledged masters student, I'm currently doing a paper on health systems in developing countries. And yes, Malaysia is one of the 152 (out of 195) countries listed as a developing nation by the UN.

Have never been a person interested in politics. Or cared two hoots about the government systems. But the more I read and the more I understand about the way my country works, the more I feel I loathe it. The more I feel it is not worth the effort. And the hopes of wanting change.. seem but idealistic.

Why remains. Ignorance helps until reality slaps you hard in the face.

And it is always in moments like these when silence seems to be deafening. What is wisdom in this matter? What is right in this matter? What is it that You want me to do? Or is that just an easy way out that I want.. You to decide, so that I don't?

Today is day 2 toward the end of 5 months.

Today brings another reason to toss and turn about returning.

Today..

So. After emo-ing for a while, I went to cari Tuhan. Um, find God. Emo alone where got fun. Must on music loud-loud.. Sing till your voice goes cranky, feel the beat on your feet going dum-dum-dum-dum.. and emo with Him only fun mah. Planet Shakers' Majesty works. Pick It Up too :)

One of the volunteers the other day mentioned about how the media portrays these individuals at either extremes - either as savantes (really, really smart people), or at the other end of the continuum - really pitiful people.

Why. "Why" is a good word. I love the word "why". Why did I choose this field?

Well. To put it into a nutshell, it was because of one little boy and one little girl. Both at the age of 4 when I first met them.

One has Down syndrome, the other has cerebral palsy.

The first thing I was taught in my Masters classes? They are firstly.. individuals.

Like duh, right? Well.. Sometimes, the way we call them makes a lot of difference.

Ah Beng: Eh, have you seen ah.. That Down syndrome boy?
Ah Lian: Nolah. Nehh.. I saw that autistic boy the other day..

Well, if your neighbour Ah Beng has a bad temper, you don't go around calling him "that temper boy", right? Or if Ah Lian has acute acne problems.. You don't go around calling her "that acne girl", right? Um. Well, if you do, then.. Um.. You do lah.

So, just like how Ah Beng next door is the boy with a horrible temper, and Ah Lian the other next door is the girl with acute  acne problems - they are boys or girls with Down syndrome/Williams syndrome/cerebral palsy..

And, just like how you and I both have things we cannot do - for some, Math. For others, Music. And the list goes on.. They are just.. people, who can't do certain things.

And the other million dollar question?

How do I talk to them ah??

Um. Like how you would talk to the person sitting next to you?

The 4 year old kids I first knew were both capable of jealousy and could fight for attention just like any LOAs out there. Little boy sulked and hid by the corner when I played with little girl. And little girl shouted and expressed her dislike for toys that just weren't her type.

Well, just like how Ah Beng, your best friend, would get angry if you don't talk to him for days, people with disabilities would too. And just like how Ah Lian, your girlfriend gets butterflies in her tummy every time you buy her flowers, people with disabilities would too.

And this is the two million dollar question.

They can fall in love one ah??

*Chases you around with a wooden spoon* You got feelings they don't have ah?!

Just because they have learning difficulties, or they are intellectually less able than any one of us capable of reading this post doesn't mean they don't know what love is.

And sometimes, their disability overshadows just who they are created to be. And more often than not, they are denied the rights to fully be the man or woman they are meant to be.

I've heard people come to me with comments like..

"Wah, that day hor, I was at the saloon, and this girl who cannot really talk properly.. I think she is Down syndrome lah. And hor, she summore can tell the saloon lady what kinda hairstyle she wants man.."

Well, they are firstly men/women. Just like how each of us like to look pretty/handsome, they would too! And just like how any of us have raging hormones, they do too!

Well, I guess.. We are all pretty much the same. There are some things which I would love to be able to do, but for my dear life.. No matter how hard I tried, I can't. Like, music for instance. And some others would try their very best at art - but their very best would make Picasso develop a new stomach while in his grave, just to puke.

All of us lack in one area or another.. Some of us have more visible shortcomings, others have less visible ones.

At times, I wonder who is at a bigger disadvantage. Having the capacity to know all that is happening around us - leaving us skeptical and bitter about life.. Or living life just as it is. Simple and straightforward.

The one other lesson I learnt? If we were to all look at our disabilities, none of us would go anywhere. But hey, we could always look at "this"-ability that has been given to us. Whatever "this" is.

And the "Ps." of the day? We are all one accident/mistake away from being disabled.

My two cents on disabilities.